I've got to let go. I'm not nearly as creative, intelligent, or interesting as her. There's always going to be someone way more intriguing. And I'm just not ready to set myself up for heart break from the girl I love more than anyone in this world. One time was the end of everything I knew. I will not do it again.


But God do I long for those days. For that exotic happiness only found in remote places. To feel so full and alive and confident. I see my reflection now and I wonder what happened to that girl. The one with the pretty hair, bright face, good complexion, tiny body. I miss those parts of me.

Will I ever find such peace again?

Why is it that when I'm doing well, moving on, meeting other people that she works her way back into my heart? Why is she different now, and just as lovely as ever? Why does my soul still intertwine with hers?

 Creative hearts will always linger somewhere together I think.

I love her just as much as I did then.
I think I'm confused.
I guess I just wonder what it would have been like.
What we would have been

Has been pretty much amazing. Friday after school David, Shauna, Bryan, and the other David all went to Las Margaritas for some Mexican food...which was amazing. Then they all came to my house to watch this movie "The Dark" which was pretty good except for the shitty ending. At 7 we went to see Dragon Wars in the theater. I have not laughed as hard as I did in soooooo long. The entire movie was just so corny and David was about to piss his pants from my sarcastic remarks. After they all left, he stayed the night and we watched Cabin Fever. It just so happens to be a freaky ass movie that actually put a little fear on me.

Then Saturday after he went home, I chilled by myself and caught up on some sleep. I was coming down, but it felt better than most times. Plusss David gave me all the nasty details about his date. TMI fo sho. However, he had this girl IM me to try and set us up. So far, it's going quite well. I stayed up until like 1 talking to her. And she's a photographer! Her work is really amazing...

But of course there's always a downside to everything.

Sunday was great. Church was actually half way decent. And Jesus, don't strike me but....the teacher is fucking hot. She reminds me of my Ani. You understand, right? Haha, and I saw Bfibbicus there. He came over around 3 to work on the lame ass project. Except we didn't get any work done since we both procrastinate...And we ate dinner early and made plans to be at David's at 6. For a "movie" night. lmao. That sure as hell didn't happen The movie was boring so after pigging out we did a ghost hunt. lol. And then Shauna and Bryan came over (free rein since no adults were there) and we went exploring in the woods at night. Let me tell you, the woods are fucking awesome when you can't see anything. All we had was a flashlight and this owl kept making noises. I had soooooo much fun! These kids are awesome.

Then I got home kinda late, and Lucy was online xD So we played the 20 questions game, although I highly doubt we stuck to 20 questions. She's such a sweetheart, and absolutely gorgeous. Completely out of my league...but we'll see what happens. There's only a couple things I'm not too thrilled about. And the fact that she doesn't go to my school. But she's close by and we already have semi-plans to meet up at Pride!!!

It's just convincing my mom to take me and David that's the problem. ha...It's things like this that make me realize how much I need my license and a car! It's on the same day as my homecoming but I already decided I wouldn't submit myself to that torture...so it's good. hopefully there's going to be an alternative one anyways.

So I guess that's about it for an update. No real plans today since Jenna bailed on me. Wtf ever with that girl. lol. I don't understand the female population....now she acts jealous and shit.

Anyways, I'm not getting my hopes up...but I really hope things work. I'm happy xD